Sunday, May 07, 2006

My 'write' word for today's posting is avoid and all forms there of such as avoidance. I am a great practioner of avoidness. I avoid many things in life such confrontation, action, success (oh yes I have much practice at avoiding success), fear and most of all I have avoided writing.

I have had this tumultuous relationship with writing since the ripe age of 13. Being much older now, ok being 47 now, it has been a relationship lasting 34 years. It has been on again, off again, love, hate, hard work, no work and committment, renewed committment and failed committment. But, I digress and I avoid.

The world is filled with people practing avoidness. People avoid paying taxes, going to work, falling in love, getting married or getting divorced. Our entire country is avoiding the truth about 9/11 and the fact we could be attacked and killed again on our own soil.

So what are my feelings about the word avoid? And, why would I want to write about it, especially so that the entire Internet world could easily read about my feelings about the word avoid?

Let's take a path away from the word avoid for a moment so that we can come back to it with a little more background and substantiation. There are several books that have been around since at least 1995 by author Danial Goleman that describe emotional intelligence and how it affects our personal and professional lifes. The research and the presentation of the research are very good and have opened the door for me personally to determine who I am and why I have made the choices that I have made.

Because of my almost lifelong struggle with the need to write, I have moved through several different careers including teaching and educational administrator. Although the careers I continue to fall back on have been in the educational arena, I have worked in public relations, sales and marketing, freelance writing (the lowest paying job ever there was), computer programming, software trainer, technical writer and a brief stint at photography.

So because of all this avoidance of the truth, I have also spent much of my time being self-centered and perfoming endless soul searching and trying to find the methodolgies, if you will, to allow me to admit that I am not really a writer but a dedicated educator who can write fairly well. I've tried meditation, hours of prayer, reading all of the self-help books, talking and rationalizing for hours and hours to family and friends.

I love being in education, especially higher education. When applied properly, education can be a terriffic life changer and many times a life saver. So I do recognize the true benefits of a good education and truly appreciate the opportunities I've had to participate in those life changing and life saving activities.

But, I continue to avoid the truth of my inner soul which is that of a writer, I think. My problem is and has always been is that I'm not sure I have the deep down talent that propels the most successful writers to keep trying, giving up all the outside forces of life such as food, travel, expensive cars and so on to give themselves to the art.

The emotional intelligence theory explores the power of emotions over IQ and looks at how empathy, hope, optimism and knowing theyself make up the master aptitude for success in any job. The first book also looks at flow, the state of self-forgetfulness. I am currently reading all three books on emotional intelligence concurrently so I will continue to post ideas and opinions about the topic as I finish each book.

For now, these particular theories have finally reached me and seem to be providing a way for me to look at all of my avoidance activities. Maybe I don't have a true writer inside, maybe I do. But for now, if I can stop avoiding letting the real me emerge, I am convinced I can stop avoiding some semblance of happiness.

No comments: